Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
