I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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