Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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