I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
