please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
