I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
