I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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