theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
