So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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