This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
