apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
