If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Terrible idea I love it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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