Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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