Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
