they need to just BURY HIM!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
