he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
