The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
