I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
