I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
