I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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