I wish I only lived at night.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
