since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
