So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
