It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
