Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
