ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
