$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
