He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
