I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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