the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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