have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
