I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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