; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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