Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
