My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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