Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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