I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
