Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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