I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
