Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
