Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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