I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
