If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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