I just threw up on my dentist
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
