i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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