my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
