Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
