What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
