she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
