Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Are we still banned from the library?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
