Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
