Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize