Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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