My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
