just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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