Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
