I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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