So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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