this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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