K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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