Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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