its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
