Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We named our party play list daddy issues
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
