So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
