He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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