Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
