Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pants are for mortals
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
