I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
