Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
