that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
